12 years

Guilt is such a pathetic word
that nobody knows where it came from.
I had been meaning for years to talk to you,
but like a fish that’s a prize from a county fair,
all I could do was sit there, gills gasping
for water, my mouth for air that’s way too human
for forgiveness.
You had never approached me about it;
we always went to different schools,
and avoided each other after,
but this was our one shared cell,
a detention that would never let out.
We went to dad at Walter Reed,
watched him wither under cherry blossoms.
Why not now, when our worlds are changing?
There was a silent moment in the parking lot
between the visit
                          and the ride home –
I chose then to confront my own illness.
You said that it was fine, but we’re all affected
by what’s said, what’s not, and what can’t be forgotten.
Damn I felt so rotten, eyes clouded with tears,
like a fish left out for a week or for years.